sleep it off till 12

unfortunately i'm quite random so that's something we're all going to have to learn to embrace in terms of this blog. my initial intention and idea when i began this was to focus mainly on relationships and emotions, and i still plan to do that, but lately i'm feeling a little boxed in. and so i will begin to venture out a bit more, if that's okay with you.

if youguys haven't noticed, i really like tv. let me just mention a few shows that you really should be watching if you're not...
the sarah silverman program
gossip girl
america's next top model
LA ink
shows like "the office" and "grey's anatomy" and shit like that are obvious musts so i don't feel the need to list those.

okay, i don't want to talk about them. i just wanted to list them. check that shit out.

watch THIS. and PLEASE discuss.

alright i'm done talking about tv for the time being.

i had a bit of a breakdown last night. excerpt from my myspace blog:

i'm always lonely. always. i never feel completely safe, taken care of, or understood. it doesn't matter if i'm actually alone or with anyone else. i feel lonely, and desperate to connect, but afraid to try with some people for fear of scaring them away and most of my friends don't have time for me anymore or aren't around. usually movies pull me in; take me outside of myself, and i get so into them that i forget they're not a part of my life and it sometimes takes me hours to shake all of the emotions that they make me feel. but i watched a movie tonight, one of the saddest movies i've seen, and yeah, i'd seen it before, but it had been a long time. but it didn't make me cry. it didn't even make me sad. i was too much in my own head. and the thing that sucks is that i couldn't get myself to express the things i was thinking and the ways i was feeling. i held it in, and later i cried alone.

today i'm good. sometimes i think we just need to cry; to break down totally in order to realize what's really going on in our heads and our hearts. and i have come to some realizations. i got scared. but tonight fear turned to excitement. i'd also been holding in tears too long; not intentionally, but i had been. so for two nights, i cried my heart out. and now i can breathe again. it's that simple. i apologize for being cryptic, but in time, my friends...in time.

alright back to tv. i lied about that, sorry. i saw an actual commercial for that salt 'n pepa show tonight. i literally have no idea what they're talking about, what the show's about, or why they made it. but yeah...yeah, i'll be watching. of course i will be. oh and arlan brought up a good point about that series description: howwww was 2002 "the height" of salt 'n pepa's career? if somebody can shed some light on that for us i would be very grateful.

this shit is seriously all over the place. sorry. i strive to emulate jimmy kimmel and sarah silverman's relationship:
part 1
part 2

that, mis amigos, is love.