"maybe he just didn't like you that much." these words were spoken to me after i told someone a story of a breakup that happened seven years ago, which began with me being CHASED by a guy to whom i wasn't very attracted. eventually he won me over, and within a fairly short period of time, he decided to stop talking to me and then proceeded to act like nothing ever happened. i won't go into it here. but when i was telling the story recently, i did go into details. and that was the response that i got. it disturbed (angered, offended, hurt) me on many levels, but i think it mainly upset me because if you do know the whole story, that's not a very logical explanation of the way things turned out. if the intensity and relentlessness with which he pursued me translates into just not liking me that much, then what means that someone DOES? jesus. and i should also mention that this guy knew me for a year before the dating took place, so it's not like he had NO idea what he was getting himself into. but that response has been haunting me.
i was watching "john tucker must die" for the second time earlier, and there's a scene in the movie where john tucker tells the the girl he's falling for that he knows he comes off a bit strong sometimes, but he doesn't know how to do things any other way - he just does everything with his whole heart. the basic sentiment (despite the plot of the movie and the fact that, yes, i am talking about john tucker must die, starring brittany snow and ashanti) being that if he really likes someone, he sees no need to play games and he doesn't know how to hold in the way he feels. he talks and acts in big ways. it makes me think again about that stupid online quiz i took that told me that the reason i don't have a boyfriend is that i'm too forward. meanwhile, every guy i've ever known or known of has really liked it when girls take the initiative in dating. i don't want to sit here and analyze guys in general, because i know that everyone is different and i'll never really get an answer. i'm not even sure what the question is.
i leave you with this to ponder: why is it that when guys pursue girls it's considered romantic, yet when a girl does exactly the same thing she's labeled "crazy" or "desperate"?
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7 comments:
society encourages ladies to be demure and soft spoken. guys are supposed to rule the world. if you try to flip those tables then you're challenging the establishment so they burn you at the stake, make fun you and/or call you a slut.
it's like everything is built upon the virgin/whore paradigm. very black and white culture. you're either or as a female.
this must be challenged. continue to exist, saren. you're perpetuating good in a world marred by myopia.
bye bye
j
Um, Miriam met a guy called John Tucker when that movie had just come out. He said it was the scariest thing ever when he first saw a poster for it, he was like WHAT?!?! hahahaha.
I agree with the above poster about the laws of men/women. But I think you also have to take into consideration that a lot of girls do think guys are crazy or desperate when they pursue them that much. I think if you like the person doing the pursuing you're gonna be like 'omg it's soooo romantic' but if you don't like them or find them a little creepy it'll be like 'WHY WON'T HE LEAVE ME ALONE'. And the same goes for girls I guess.
Yeah everyone says that guys love it when girls are forward and make the first move, but whenever I have dudes have NOT seemed receptive to that. It's fucked up.
thanks jess. and rachel. :D
and alix, i totally relate. what's that about? they need to stop saying that because it's obviously not true.
the few guys i was forward with (this was all before dave, duh) were kind of weirded out and put off by it. i will never understand why. even now, if i'm forward with dave about something he will be like buh? silly boys.
It sounds like you were the victim of one of those "thrill of the chase" kind of guys.
If it weren't fer forward girls, I'd've never even had a *date* (much less be married now) -- the only two times *I* wuz ever the forward one, I wuz very drunk (and both instances ended... well, let's just say suboptimally...)
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