Wednesday, October 31, 2007

somebody's watching me

i totally probably shouldn't be doing this but youguys...i have to. i belong to a community on a certain website which will not be named and the subject is women's health. this was posted there recently:

[EDIT: just to clarify, i DID NOT write the following]

I've been trying to get the guts to have sex with my boyfriend. When I finally decided I am compeltely ready things went bad.

I'm a virgin, and I do not touch myself. He is the first boy to ever touch me and hes only been touching me for oh say 4 months? But, we've been dateing 5.

Today I planned to have sex untill I noticed I have to stretch my god damn vagina out. So, he decieded he'd put one finger in a at a time. But, first he'd lick my vagina so it'd be super dooper wet [can't complain about that!] anyways, so the first few times he just licked away and then stuck a finger up there. Then we deiced to stick TWO fingers up there, this was not working because it hurt to bad and didn't let him get far at all. Then we left and went some place, when we got back we tried again, this time he got two fingers in up untill his knuckle, you know not the knuckle on the hand the one in the finger. [he says his penis equals about 2.5 fingers, I asked] ANYWAYS, after we couldn't get them in ALL THE WAY, he decided we should try putting one finger in and moving it around, this was alright the second time but didn't go so well the first time.

anyways, i'm just dyeing to have sex with him.
he was turning me on REALLY bad today.

does any one have any advice as to what 'we' should do to stretch my vagina out? [bceause, i suppose this is necessary if i want to have sex with him, yes?]

and please don't tell me i have to touch myself, because I won't.
and, i'm not sticking any thing up there that isn't his finger or penis ,thats weird.

i am not going to comment on this. it just is what it is. i can't handle it and i've run out of friends that i can read it to. so.

moving halloween! i've done nothing to celebrate this year so far so tomorrow night (technically tonight), the plan is for me and the bf to watch a classic scary movie. i haven't seen most of them so choosing one shouldn't be hard. i also want to wear a costume and eat candy while doing that. so i may have to pick up a mask or something on my way over to his house. any suggestions?

thanks for the christmas related comments! they made me especially happy. because i love christmas. you know, like i said. i really do. i'm like an elf or like...clark griswold. you really wanna spend christmastime with me. trust me. if you ever get a chance, do it. i will SO be merry and jolly with you. and i have santa hats, like, to SPARE.

ANYWAY. so i briefly mentioned the hbo series "tell me you love me" in an earlier post. i can't decide how i feel about the actual show but i started watching and then i became invested in the characters, even the ones i don't like (which is...all of them now), just because i wanted to find out what happened. it's mainly about three couples and their relationship problems. two of the couples are married, and it's just gotten really fucking depressing. i'm not sure what the point of the show even is anymore because it's almost like they're trying to
tell you that once you get married, everything goes to shit. actually, no. really what the message seems to be is that once you get married and you either have kids or start trying to have kids or get pregnant, everything goes to shit. the only couple on the show who's happy is the elderly couple, and they don't have any kids. the woman in that marriage is the sex/relationship therapist to the others. if youguys have ever seen this show, i'm really interested in hearing your thoughts about it.

i'm afraid that's all i've got for you right now. i have to get up in a matter of hours and i'm not feeling particularly analytical at the moment. but as always, and as i just mentioned, your comments are welcome. i'd love to hear anything and everything youguys would like to share about relationships, your...feelings, that tv show...holidays! anything. thank you so much for reading, again. it means the world to me.

p.s: read jessica's blog. always!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

regarding mistletoe...

i just want to remind everyone again that you don't have to have a blogger account to post comments here. you can check "other" and then type in your name, or you can choose the "anonymous" option. people have been asking me about it again so i just wanted to clarify. if you want to comment, you can! comment one, comment all.

sometimes it's difficult for me to write here because of the nature of my blog. i'm only good at writing what i know, and there's quite a bit of me here. at the same time, this is not my personal diary - i am writing for an audience, so i try to remain somewhat detached while still pulling from my own thoughts, ideas and experiences. when my brain is too cluttered with overwhelming thought; my heart too full of overwhelming emotion, i can find it hard to come here and just throw out ideas without making it too personal. this is my explanation to you as to why i'm not here writing every single day, though i want to be.

it's starting to get cold. at night and in the mornings, at least. i was driving at 7:30 yesterday morning and it was still getting light, and i was so frozen because my heat hadn't kicked in yet that i practically stuck in my hunched over the steering wheel position. i think i pulled a few muscles. i love warm weather and i love sunshine, but the cold reminds me that the holidays are near. i love christmas. i love christmas movies, christmas trees, the lights at the zoo, snow, hot chocolate, buying presents, getting presents, going christmas shopping at the mall while choirs sing carols or christmas music plays. santa claus scares me but i find comfort in knowing he's there while i'm shopping; children lined up and crying and taking pictures. makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. i love candy canes and i love stirring them into my hot chocolate to make it minty. i like reindeer. i love spending christmas eve with my family because it's the one thing we've ALWAYS done together, every single year of my life. i used to love spending the holidays with my friends, too, but that's more complicated these days now that everyone's spread out, drifted apart, and in relationships. i understand though. i'm just waiting for my chance to sit by a fire or a christmas tree while "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" plays softly and i cuddle with my boy. i'm getting too personal again, i know, but christmas...i just live for christmas. every year i say i'm going to put christmas lights inside my car, hang candy canes, and play christmas carols throughout the entire holiday season. this may be the year.

but most people i know - maybe not most, but certainly a significant amount - find christmas stressful. depressing, even. some of them dread it. this is something that i don't understand. sure, christmas is different now. my grandparents and my aunt and uncle are gone. my father is gone. i'm not spoiled with an entire livingroom full of gifts and my mom isn't lying next to me on christmas eve, urging me to hurry up and get to sleep or santa won't come. but i refuse to let christmas lose its magic. there's something about being inside a warm house with people you love when you know it's freezing outside that's so comforting. and i have good christmas memories. last year i cried on christmas. i cried because someone disappointed me. i cried because i wanted things so badly to be perfect but there's only so much that any one person can control. i set myself up. so this year i think i'll only have christmas wishes instead of expectations. and a gingerbread house would be nice.

i'm kind of like the department stores that already have the christmas displays up. sorry about that. i'll try not to write too much more about christmas until at least the week of thanksgiving. :) oh but one more thing: the best holiday song is sarah silverman's "give the jew girl toys." look into it.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

mary-kate & ashley olsen

did you know that you could do that? just cancel your relationship? like it's a rained out soccer game or a tv show? that's from facebook. i notice other people's relationship status changes and i saw an interesting combination tonight that i didn't realize was possible, so i went to the "edit" section of my profile to check it out and saw that. really i just wanted other people to ponder its absurdity along with me. i don't have much to say about it here.

regarding sex and the city: i KNOW they are making a movie. i KNOW that the show ended a few years ago. i KNOW that pretty much everyone who cares that they're making a movie has seen the entire series, or at least knows how it ended. i haven't, and i DON'T. i am catching up now. i did not like this show when it originally aired. it's NOW that i watch it. i don't know what happens in the end. i do not appreciate US and people magazine publishing photos from the set, spoiling things for me. i do not appreciate my mom telling me who is going to be in it (aside from the four main actresses, of course). i realize that i have no right to be this angry about it. i just need it to be generally known. DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING. about the show, or the movie. ANYTHING. thanks.

i know this is an odd, random entry, and i'm sorry. i'll try harder, i promise. but just one more thing: if the following means anything to you...

just to be clear - fuck you, fuck you, and fuck. you. have a great day! go fuck yourself.

...yeah, it was me.

otherwise, i love you madly and i'll miss you until we meet again.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

dark & twisty

you know what i like about "private practice"? it's not as intense as grey's anatomy. the characters are generally older. no irritating voiceovers. lots of addison, and not TOO much, which i was worried about. there CAN be too much of a good thing. that said, i don't think i'll care if it's cancelled. but for now i am enjoying it. yeah, i really just wrote a paragraph about that.

[random side note: my boyfriend and i were looking through a local paper last week and he flipped through the classifieds. we happened upon the specific part that was the equivalent of craigslist's "missed connections." it said something like, "hey doris, rose died. i'm single again..."]

i've been thinking a lot about a comment that someone left me here on the blog in response to my post about people not being able to accept love. she actually referenced grey's anatomy. the basic sentiment was that most people who aren't able to accept love don't feel that they deserve it, and they tend to close themselves off because they're certain that the more the other person gets to know them, the more they'll realize how fucked up they are and then they'll leave. i think that most people feel that way to an extent. obviously some more than others. but when it comes down to it, if they're worth it, they'll listen. and if it's meant to be, they'll accept it and hopefully even understand. and then they'll stay.

that's not to say that i don't understand people holding back to a certain degree in the beginning of a relationship. this is a concept that i've only recently come to embrace. i don't think it's a necessity, but for some people it's just natural, and for others, it' personally i'm pretty much an open book, but think about it: the best books you read slowly, savoring every page. you read them bit by bit because you don't want them to be over. of course, books do eventually come to an end, and so do people's lives, for that matter, but this isn't really a good analogy because people generally live longer than it takes for the average person to read a fucking book. but you get where i'm going with this i think. with a person, there is always something more to learn. and my favorite books? i read them over and over...and over again. hopefully that made some kind of sense to somebody.

speaking of books, i need some new ones. and now i'm thinking about christmas which means i can't write anymore right now. visions of reindeer and candy canes are dancing in my head. (i love christmas. like, in a rabid way.)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

one nocturnal son of a gun

i know i've been a bad blog mother. but i bought you a gift. no, take it. no really! take it. TAKE IT! ISN'T THAT NICE?? I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN, I SWEAR.

when i write here i like to explore ideas and i need to be inspired. right now i'm trying to clear my head a little, so this is going to be a very short one.

1) i was watching "californication" tonight. becca, the 12 (13?) year old daughter on the show,
decides to move in with her dad, hank (david duchovny), and her mother is very sad about this. when she drops becca off, she is visibly upset and crying. becca refers to her mother as "highly emotional," to which hank replies, "all the good ones are."
to this, i reply: thank you for the validation, hank.

2) read lori's newest post. most of the things she talks about i can relate to right now, and i've been thinking about those things and dealing with them for a while. that post brought me sadness and comfort.

until next time, you will be missed...

p.s: alright i'm officially in love with the salt 'n pepa show.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

feel my heart beating

you know what i don't like about "grey's anatomy"? there is rarely a resolution. like when izzie wholeheartedly apologized to callie and callie said the most horrible things to her (me = aware that the previous combination of words is a fragment). cheating is wrong, and callie has every reason to be hurt and angry as hell, but it's not just about that. every time someone pours their heart out on that show, it's met with total bitchery and coldness. i know they try to be realistic and to not tie everything up with a perfect little ribbon, but it's not like there's much realistic about that show otherwise anyway. and the way they talk to each other is starting to make me hate every single character. alright, that's my rant about that. moving on.

i want to talk about love. it means something different to everyone. it really does. personally i don't think the word should be just thrown around constantly, because love does mean something and shouldn't be taken lightly. but more than that, i believe that people should be more open to it - feeling it and accepting it - and that you should love as deeply and as often as life and your heart allow.

so. scenario: caroline has rarely or never been in love, and is hesitant and uncomfortable saying "i love you" to other people - significant others, friends; even family. ralph is dating caroline. ralph knows that caroline has difficulty expressing love, so when she one day declares her love for ralph, he is ecstatic. his heart melts; he cries happy tears. maybe he feels that caroline's expression of love was especially meaningful since she doesn't normally share that so easily.

here's another scenario. ginger is a very open, warm-hearted, affectionate person who not only feels love often but she says it, too. to her family, her friends, and her significant others. she is dating johnny. johnny notices this about ginger. he either especially likes it or he's neutral but thinks she's awesome either way; whatever. but they date for a while and one day ginger looks into johnny's eyes and tells him that she loves him. he's happy but not surprised, necessarily.

okay here's my point. here's my question. does caroline's love mean more than ginger's? should it be more appreciated? i'm willing to bet that "love" means something different to each of these four fictional characters. should people be encouraged/forced to come up with what exactly their idea of love is and choose carefully when deciding to whom they should share/declare it before saying the words? there is no right or wrong answer, obviously. it's just something that i think about sometimes. and if you were once with someone and you felt love, whatever it means to you or meant to you at the time, and you said "i love you," and now you question whether or not it was REALLY love, does that mean...that it wasn't? SHOULD you question that? caroline would. i was once a caroline in that sense. i feel i've evolved into a ginger. i'm not saying that caroline is bad; everyone is different. everyone's had different experiences and everyone feels things differently. but what's the point in questioning your past feelings? and what's the point in holding in the way that you feel? don't get me wrong: i don't think you should tell someone that you love them if you don't mean it, especially in a romantic relationship. but if you feel it, i think you should say it. and i think you should say it a lot. that's my own personal preference there, that last thing. but i guess what i'm trying to say is, don't analyze it. don't take it back. ultimately love is all we have. it's all we need, if you will. to quote the oh so wise dr. bailey from grey's anatomy, when questioned as to why someone would do something so extreme as starving themselves to keep a boyfriend: "because people are stupid, and they just want to be loved." or something like that.

all of that said, i've had two people tell me they were in love with me, and they both eventually took it back. i don't know if either of them meant it in the first place or not. when someone takes back their love (how do you even DO that?), it hurts. it fucking hurts. falling out of love is one thing, but telling someone that you never felt it to begin with is quite another. so i guess if you need to do that analysis, i mean if it's going to save the other person, or you, that much pain if you don't, then do it. but don't be afraid to say what you mean, when you mean it. and now all that i can think about is the scene in "knocked up" when paul rudd and seth rogen go to vegas and get high on mushrooms and go back to the hotel room and have that ridiculous conversation about their girls, specifically the part when paul has his revelation that the biggest problem in his marriage is that his wife loves him so much, she wants to be with him all the time. he starts crying, and then goes on to say that he can't accept her love. and then seth is all, "you can't accept LOVE??" and proceeds to berate him, since that is all he wants from his girlfriend and she won't give it to him and it makes him sad every day. it's the funniest fucking scene ever, but it really strikes a chord with me. i know people who have trouble accepting love. that hurts me to see. as mario once said, "you should let me love you." but why isn't it that easy?

your thoughts on the matter are desired and cherished.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

strong enough

i'm finishing "mad love" on showtime on demand. i've probably seen it five times or so. it makes me think of that kirsten dunst movie "crazy/beautiful." in both movies the girls are mentally ill and the guys haven't known them long but fall head over heels in love, and they'll do anything to stay with them and make sure that they're okay, despite all of the things that they go through and put them through in the process. i know that this is a completely sexist thing to...wonder, but how realistic is that? guys can't seem to even put up with your average, run of the mill "crazy," much less a severe mental condition. i was watching "my super ex-girlfriend" last night, and yeah, it's a silly, fantasy comedy deal, but beyond uma thurman's character being a superhero, she's also deemed crazy. and luke wilson's character is known to attract only "crazy" women. and yes, it offended me a little. where are all the crazy guy movies? where are they? i guess i'm kind of flipping it here because most "crazy" guy movies involve stalking or murder. and i guess movies like "fatal attraction" and "single white female" exist as well, which certainly don't fall into the category of light and looney. so i don't know; these are just things that i wonder. i guess i just watch a scene like the one in mad love where drew barrymore's character is collapsed on the ground sobbing and her boyfriend is holding her and assuring her that everything will be okay, and i hope that when i get that way i can have someone there for me who doesn't decide the next day that it's time to get as far away from me as possible. i'm not attempting suicide or stealing cars or putting up magazine faces on walls for "protection," but i do cry. and guys don't like that. they don't - ask them. i'm not saying it necessarily makes them go away, but they really hate to see girls cry. they either don't know how to handle it or they feel responsible - or both - even if it has nothing to do with them. but this is a tip for any guys out there who can relate to what i'm saying and have found themselves in that situation: just hold us. tomorrow everything will be okay. we just need to know that we're safe and that we're not alone.

i want to tell you something, my blog friends. i don't like to hold shit in. i don't feel like crying every day. generally, in fact, i feel pretty good. i am a glass half full, optimistic, fun-loving kind of girl, even if my idea of fun falls more along the lines of coffee and conversation than doing shots and dancing on the bar (though the latter can be fun, too, minus the actual dancing on the bar girls really do that?). but i'm often too afraid to cry or open my heart to a guy that i'm seeing for fear of scaring him away. and i'll tell you one thing, that does no one any good. all that does is leave you (me) feeling alone when you're (i'm) with him, and also alone when you're (i'm) not. and it causes all of this emotion to build up that may eventually come out in the wrong form. it's just fucking unhealthy, is what i'm saying. and i don't think it's fair that we're led to feel that if we express our emotions, we run the risk of losing our guys. all i'm saying is that i want to be real. but movies like mad love and crazy/beautiful are not that fucking realistic.

i guess what i'm doing is equating mental illness with general emotion, and they're not the same thing. maybe i shouldn't do that. i'm just trying to make a point, i guess. and i absolutely describe myself as emotional, but i've learned over the past couple of years that to many people, and not only guys, this means moody, unstable, and constantly weeping and/or screaming. i think that's sad. i am an emotional person due to the fact that i am very much in touch with my emotions. i feel many things, both good and bad, and i feel them deeply and often. i feel them within myself, for other people, and about...LIFE. i laugh hard. i cry hard. i smile big. when i'm angry, i express it, but i'd rather have an unassuming, rational conversation than yell. all of these things are true of me. i'm not bipolar, i don't suffer from frequent and severe mood swings. i just feel things deeply. i allow that for myself, and i like to express it. and there is nothing wrong with that. i promise i won't bite...unless you want me to. ;)


Sunday, October 14, 2007

the most random of all random

who loves cell phones? i do! it's that time of year again when lots of new phones are getting ready to come out, just in time for christmas. i'm getting jumpy. i like my phone a lot, but there's a new sidekick coming out, there's a new INTERNATIONAL blackberry for verizon; a new touch screen LG for verizon that should be out soon as well. if the internet browser deal was better on my phone, i would be content. but at the same time, you can't beat five bucks a month (for internet) and a 2.0 megapixel camera. so i'm going to stop bitching.

okay i have a question for youguys. what should i be for halloween? for the past few years, i've spent like 11 months out of the year saying, "i'm going to be _____ for halloween this/next year!" and then it comes around and not only do i not dress up, but i don't even celebrate. sometimes it's my choice, sometimes it's not. last year we were in new york celebrating my friend alix's birthday and birthday fun totally took over. but this year...i want to wear a costume, damnit. here are just a few of the many ideas i've accumulated over the past few years:
  • garth from "wayne's world"
  • beavis
  • robot (i've considered all different kinds; help me narrow it down!)
  • grapes
  • ipod
  • cell phone
  • vampire
input is much appreciated. seriously.

i'm really not a big fan of halloween, to be honest. that's mostly because it's during fall, which is my least favorite time of year. BUT, i do love the holiday season, and dontcha know that as soon as halloween's over, everybody seems to be in holiday mode. so if i get to dress up and eat lots of candy in anticipation of that, i'm down. i may even go to a haunted house this year. any excuse to drink hot chocolate, really. ;)

on a completely unrelated note, does anyone watch the new hbo show "tell me you love me"? the long and short of it is...mostly unattractive people, quite a bit of sex, not a lot of dialogue. lots of mom jeans. anybody watch it? can we discuss this?


it has been WAY too long since i've seen "intervention." every time i search the guide for it, it is nowhere to be found. but just now i searched and two episodes came up! they air tomorrow! i'm psyched. that's really all i wanted to say about that. i was having intervention withdrawal. poor choice of words, sure, but the truth is the truth. IT'S THE TRUTH!

i am really jumpy and bored and not tired, despite the fact that it's 3am. i took a late afternoon/early evening nap and now i am wide awake. i am so desperately bored that i'm watching "just my luck" on hbo comedy for like the 14th time. i should not have taken a nap. sure, i was tired at the time, but that exhaustion really would have been more useful, like, and to make matters worse, i don't really have anything i'd like to blog about. okay that's not true. but timing is a bitch.

i hope this is alright to do and i hope that if it's not, someone will let me know. there is someone very talented on myspace who wrote a blog a few months back that i believe was either deleted or is longer available to read because i can't find it, but i saved it because it was exactly what i needed to hear at the time. i'd like to quote just a small part of it because i think it's so true and i hope she doesn't mind that i'm pasting her words here. just to be clear, i DID NOT write the following...

i think men are better at relationships. they manage to keep their independence, focus on their work, their hobbies, their desires, their friendships, so much better than women generally do. Women, on the other hand, get so wrapped up in the other person's life that they sacrifice their friendships, let their work suffer, and forget to brush their hair.

...but i wish i had. i have so many dreams and plans, and i WILL accomplish them all, but i love to love. i love to BE loved, i love to hug, to be held, to have someone to take care of, with whom to share my dreams and plans and my ups and downs...the list goes on. everyone ultimately wants that, i guess. and it's hard not to focus on it when you're with someone, especially someone wonderful, who deserves the focus and the desire and the attention. so how do i silence my fear of losing that? i don't want to be too caught up in anything to put my all into a good relationship. i also don't want to be considered lame for my relationship focus being TOO strong, in the sense that i neglect other things. i need to find that balance. for the first time in my life i know that right now, i NEED to find that balance. because, yes, my friends, i have a boyfriend. a sweet, smart, funny, fun, affectionate, adorable, awesome boyfriend who sees me for who i am and LIKES it. and i'm happy. and i do.not.want. to fuck it up.

there was a time when i would cry every time i left my (ex) boyfriend's house because i felt so confused, neglected, and unwanted. i tried to make that work for too long. i don't know why we do this to ourselves. and i don't want to get into that too much. but these days i drive home with a smile on my face and i'm all fuzzy inside. i love it. i don't want to lose him, but i don't want to lose myself either. mostly, i don't want to lose him by losing myself. i like people. i like my relationships with people. i'm good at them.

*deep breath*


edit: both of the intervention episodes were reruns. both of them. :'(

Thursday, October 11, 2007

sleep it off till 12

unfortunately i'm quite random so that's something we're all going to have to learn to embrace in terms of this blog. my initial intention and idea when i began this was to focus mainly on relationships and emotions, and i still plan to do that, but lately i'm feeling a little boxed in. and so i will begin to venture out a bit more, if that's okay with you.

if youguys haven't noticed, i really like tv. let me just mention a few shows that you really should be watching if you're not...
the sarah silverman program
gossip girl
america's next top model
LA ink

shows like "the office" and "grey's anatomy" and shit like that are obvious musts so i don't feel the need to list those.

okay, i don't want to talk about them. i just wanted to list them. check that shit out.

watch THIS. and PLEASE discuss.

alright i'm done talking about tv for the time being.

i had a bit of a breakdown last night. excerpt from my myspace blog:

i'm always lonely. always. i never feel completely safe, taken care of, or understood. it doesn't matter if i'm actually alone or with anyone else. i feel lonely, and desperate to connect, but afraid to try with some people for fear of scaring them away and most of my friends don't have time for me anymore or aren't around. usually movies pull me in; take me outside of myself, and i get so into them that i forget they're not a part of my life and it sometimes takes me hours to shake all of the emotions that they make me feel. but i watched a movie tonight, one of the saddest movies i've seen, and yeah, i'd seen it before, but it had been a long time. but it didn't make me cry. it didn't even make me sad. i was too much in my own head. and the thing that sucks is that i couldn't get myself to express the things i was thinking and the ways i was feeling. i held it in, and later i cried alone.

today i'm good. sometimes i think we just need to cry; to break down totally in order to realize what's really going on in our heads and our hearts. and i have come to some realizations. i got scared. but tonight fear turned to excitement. i'd also been holding in tears too long; not intentionally, but i had been. so for two nights, i cried my heart out. and now i can breathe again. it's that simple. i apologize for being cryptic, but in time, my time.

alright back to tv. i lied about that, sorry. i saw an actual commercial for that salt 'n pepa show tonight. i literally have no idea what they're talking about, what the show's about, or why they made it. but yeah...yeah, i'll be watching. of course i will be. oh and arlan brought up a good point about that series description: howwww was 2002 "the height" of salt 'n pepa's career? if somebody can shed some light on that for us i would be very grateful.

this shit is seriously all over the place. sorry. i strive to emulate jimmy kimmel and sarah silverman's relationship:
part 1
part 2

that, mis amigos, is love.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

push it

i have abandonment issues. many of my close family members have died and i've lost a few good friends as well (not as in death, just in general). this tends to affect my relationships. however, i have realized that if i'm in a good relationship, it's not as much of an issue because i'm never given a chance to feel all of those negative, panicky, "what if" feelings. but i still try to keep myself in check because i honestly believe that what is meant to be, will be. i know i don't usually act like it, but i do believe that. i'm just bad at letting go.

speaking of abandonment, i started to worry that since i haven't been writing much, youguys will leave me. please don't leave me! *grabs onto blog readers' collective, real yet figurative leg* i've just been busy, and now sick. but i'll be writing regularly again from now on.

and alright. back in '94, i LOVED salt 'n pepa. and there is nothing wrong with continuing to love them. and if they were to put out another album, i would get it. but do we really need a reality show about EVERYTHING?

---> lookie here <---

i mean, seriously. it's been so long since i've seen them that i didn't even recognize them in that picture at first. there doesn't even seem to be an angle. we just follow all kinds of people around with cameras now, like that ryan kid who has his own show on mtv. who IS that kid?? can i have my own show please? i mean i loooove reality television but it's getting absolutely fucking ridiculous. am i wrong?

ah well. i know this was short and sweet but i'll write again soon. and for anyone who was too lazy to click on that link:


Wednesday, October 3, 2007

west coast adventures

somehow i'm still exhausted from all of the travel, so i have nothing of substance that i'm able to adequately put into words at this moment. SO, to tide you over, i will post just a few photos from my california trip. this has nothing to do with much of anything, and don't expect many pictures in the future, but for now - enjoy.

arlan and i hung with our moms in hollywood

we went to the ellen show

we hung with jessica

we saw terra, and arlan's finger got in the picture disguised as THE SUN and hotel cafe has...well, NO lighting

the ocean in malibu

palm trees in santa monica

bye bye :)