there was a time i didn't have you around

i just watched an episode of dawson's creek in which that henry kid wants jen but she rejects him because she's not ready to be with anybody yet, and she feels like he's too young and inexperienced to understand her. he tells her that he's in love with her and she says that he can't be because he doesn't even know her. he's 15 and she's...17 or almost 17 or something. they're almost two years apart, i think they said. anyway she says that a lot will happen in that time; his heart will swell and break a thousand times. when she tells him that she can't be with him, he tells her that that was heartbreak number one.

it made me start to wonder, how many times CAN a person's heart "swell and break" before they just can't do it anymore? i think it depends on the person. i haven't been in many relationships and i feel like i've lived 10 lives already. like i've been ripped apart and stomped on and i've had to sew myself back together, bit by bit, more times than you could ever repair a broken zipper or a ripped dress before it just falls apart entirely. you can only save something so many times. i pay $80 for a pair of jeans; they last me four or five years. i pay $8 for a tshirt and it tears the first time i come within six inches of a cat's claw. i'm not saying that you get what you pay for, though i do believe that too. i'm saying that more work went into those jeans. they were stronger and made to last. you can climb trees and spill paint and it takes years for any holes to form and the stains always come out. the shirt needed gentler treatment to last half as long. at the same time, you may go through those shirts twice, or three times, as quickly, which kind of fucks up my whole analogy because my point is that not everyone bounces back easily. some people need to go through their fair share of people and experiences before they can relax and be happy, or be with someone who deserves them. and they can deal with that; maybe they even like it. others can't handle as much and so they're pickier. they have to be, to avoid the pain.

just a thought.