iRelationship

arlan asked me to write about internet dating. i told her that i'd thought about it, but that i wasn't sure i'd have enough to say and that it wasn't a subject which particularly inspired me to write. she said that i could preface the whole thing by mentioning that she was curious to see what i had to say on the subject, and after some explanation from me (to her), we agreed that it would go something like this...

arlan: so, sarah, what are your thoughts on internet dating? do you feel that it's a valid way to meet someone? is it something you've found success with? do you think you can carry on a relationship mostly/solely through the internet? do you think it's better to meet people outside of the internet, and either way, do you feel that it makes for a different type of relationship if it's started out one way or the other?

me: i mean, whatever works.

so. that was sort of my problem. i've met people in "real" life who i ended up dating, and i've also met people online. some of my friends have met people online; others through friends or maybe out at a bar or a party or something. and really, in this day and age, i don't think it makes much difference. just about everyone's got access to the internet in some way, and it's not weird or scary anymore to meet friends or potential dating partners on myspace, or facebook, or a dating site, or even, like, craigslist. or through blogs. or message boards. anyway, you get the idea.

so far, in my experience, my best relationship to date is my current one and i met him on the internet. it wasn't a drawn out internet thing; we met days after the initial messages that we sent to each other and our primary contact since has been in person and on the phone, and we email each other while he's at work and things like that. he lives like 15 minutes away from me. a couple of guys i met on the internet were total psychos; a couple were nice guys but we never got beyond one or two dates. i met my last boyfriend at work. i met one guy i dated at a bar.

as far as dating exclusively online, or carrying on a relationship mostly through use of the internet...i don't know. i don't have much of an opinion about it because i've never done it. i honestly feel that whatever works for you, works. and even though i don't care what anyone thinks, it is nice that we've finally reached a time when saying that you met someone online is...normal. acceptable. i wouldn't have most of my good friends if not for the internet.

...what do youguys think?

eggnog, etc.

katie girl

i've been watching too much sex and the city. i'll cop to that right now; let's just get it out of the way. i'm still watching reruns, all out of order, on tbs and hbo, some i've already seen but most i haven't. i saw an episode the other night in which carrie finds out that big (carrie's ex-boyfriend who really broke her heart, for non-satc fans) is engaged. she's angry, and then hurt, and eventually finds herself asking the question, "why wasn't it me?" she's discussing this with her friends at brunch or lunch or dinner or whatever and someone suggests that it's a "hubble" thing. she emphatically agrees, and then samantha asks, "who is hubble?" they explain that he is robert redford's character in "the way we were," and that barbra streisand's character is katie. it doesn't work out between them because she's too complicated, and ultimately he ends up with a much more simple girl. one of the ladies mentions that the new girl is boring and has straight hair, while katie is complex and interesting and has "wild" curly hair, and carrie holds up strands of her own curly hair and declares her own complexity. she then announces that she's just had an epiphany: there are two types of girls in the world - the simple girl, and the katie girl, and SHE is a katie girl. the ladies talk about the famous last scene in the movie when katie encounters hubble and brushes the hair off of his forehead as she tells him, "your girl is lovely, hubble." at the end of the episode, carrie runs into big on the street outside of his engagement party that she couldn't bring herself to attend. she is calm now, having had her "katie girl" revelation, and reluctantly asks him, "i just have to know, why wasn't it me?" he hesitates and she begs him to answer. he sighs deeply and responds, "it just...got...SO hard." carrie takes this in, and reaches up to brush the hair off of his forehead. he looks at her strangely as she says, "your girl is lovely, hubble," to which he replies, "i don't get it." "and you never do," she tells him, as she walks away, having found some peace. the very end is a shot of her long hair flowing in the wind with a carrie voice-over about how some people just need to find someone as free and as wild as they are.

i'm sure this idea and even this particular episode of satc has been written about and blogged about and talked to DEATH, but i have never actually seen "the way we were" and i'm obviously way late with the satc stuff. but that episode really struck a chord with me. there's nothing wrong with me; i'm just a katie girl. and pretending that i'm not only hurts me. so i choose to embrace it. that pretty much says it all, but i really wanted to share it because it's been on my mind.

happy holidays to everyone, and i'll write again soon. hey, let me know what you're doing/what you did for christmas, and what you got! it's the most wonderful time of the year.

talkin' it up

first of all, i want to thank youguys AGAIN for reading my blog. yesterday i had almost twice as many views as my average amount per day in the past 30 days! it was crazy. so thank you so much. you're terribly appreciated and you're all invited to my family christmas this year. on you. HUGS!

i have to tell you, although i do support the writers' strike, i almost cried tears of joy when i found out that jimmy kimmel will be returning in the new year. i used to watch him EVERY night. and the strike really has me desperate. i'm tivoing all kinds of bullshit just to fill up dvr space and to have things to watch. right now i've got like 10 sex & the city episodes, gremlins, several episodes of the sarah silverman program...just all kinds of shit that i've already seen. i'm watching kathy griffin's newest stand-up special for the third time right now and it just premiered like last week or something. i've actually started tivoing the view, for god's sake. even my favorite horrible reality shows are wrapping up! it's a television addict's nightmare. don't you judge me. i know people who are a hell of a lot busier than i am who are plagued with the same minor inconvenience. when this is all over, i might sue for emotional distress. i don't know who i'm going to sue but...i think i'll sue donald trump. i fucking hate that son of a bitch.

keeping with the television theme, my boyfriend and i have the kind of relationship which involves girl talk about the outcome of a shot at love with tila tequila, immediately following the season finale. i hope that someday all of you are blessed with the same. because i love you. in the meantime, feel free to comment here and talk to me about it!

i want to keep several of the christmas gifts i've bought for people this year. i think that's a good sign.

next time i'll try not to ramble so much.

i want THAT one!

some facts about me:

i am a pepsi addict. saturday afternoon we had a snowstorm. i desperately needed to pick up a prescription refill, so i drove for practically an hour in a semi-blizzard to the discount drug store where i have it filled. it should have taken me 25 minutes max to get there, snowless. i paid for the prescription, but as i was leaving the store, panic set in. i knew that i had plenty of pepsi left at home, but what if we were snowed in...for days? i couldn't take that chance. so i ducked into the beverage aisle and felt instant relief as i hooked my fingers under the cardboard handle of a pepsi 12-pack. everything in life was okay.

i need for everyone to like me. this is a recent discovery, within the past couple of months, i'd say. not in the sense that i'll be extra super friendly to everyone i meet just to please people, because i'm not that way. naturally, i am not that way. i need for everyone to like me, but to like me for me. and it's not so much that i really need them to, but it was more of a realization that when they don't, it makes me angry. this is not justified. often, i am not nice. and even though, personally, i actually DO like most people myself, i certainly don't like EVERYONE i meet. and that's fine. it's normal. therefore, i am a hypocrite. in many ways, this being only one of them.

i obsess over things for a little while and then i calm down. for three days, i NEEDED the new lg voyager phone. and then some things happened, and i forced myself to think rationally and accept the situation, and now i no longer want it. at least not until next august, when my contract is up. i am like a five year old who MUST have the newest toy. this really comes as no surprise, seeing as i actually was that five year old. but i guess maturity means letting the obsession die.

on the other hand, i have big dreams, and i refuse to let those die. no matter what life throws at me or how much i allow my fears to hold me back, i never let go of my dreams. and that is why the future doesn't scare me, and why i am an eternal optimist.

enough secrets for today. eight days until santa comes to town...

listen to what i say

tonight (friday) i am going to the zoo to see the christmas lights with my boyfriend and some friends. the bf and i will wear santa hats (yes, baby, i have an extra one for you!), and we will all look at the lights on the houses as we drive to the zoo, singing christmas songs. i will take many candy canes with me for no reason. we will drink hot chocolate. people will call me on my cell phone, causing sarah silverman to sing from my speakers, "don't be a douche, what would jesus do? he'd say, 'give the jew girl toys.'" i will try to answer before it gets to that part. we will walk hand in hand and sing "winter wonderland." in harmony. alright maybe now i'm pushing it a bit far. to be fair though, he did say he wanted to wear the santa hat.

can you smoke at the zoo? it seems wrong but it is outside. i don't smoke but i just started to wonder.

i saw part of the second gremlins movie last night for the first time in a long time. all i remembered was that there were some really, REALLY disgusting and scary gremlins in that one. and oh my god, there really are. but now i want to watch the first one. all i really remember from it, though, other than the guy giving the gremlins fried chicken after midnight, is a scene when someone comes home to a dark, empty house while "do you hear what i hear?" is playing. because it's set during christmas, see. i've always associated that song with gremlins because of that. it would be nice if that could change.

i went to a company christmas party last night that happened on wednesday. where are the time machines? i thought it was the future. in 1990, the people in that gremlins movie had voice activated elevators.

more soon.

on the fifth day of christmas

so i was watching the real world tonight (i know, i'm sorry) and two of the roommates (kelly anne and cohutta) have started a relationship. i think they're adorable people on their own and together but anyway that's beside the point. they had sex and the condom broke. okay, first order of business: how fucked up/creepy is it that there are cameras in the bedrooms filming all of these people having sex all the time? and there is always a lot of sex on that show. how do they feel comfortable having sex with cameras in the room, and KNOWING it's going to be shown on national television? i'm never going to be able to wrap my head around that. but that's not really what i wanted to write about.

after they do it, kelly anne says, "the condom broke." as the episode goes on, you find out that kelly anne is not on birth control, and cohutta fully intends to take her home to georgia and marry her if they do find out that she's pregnant, because that is what he feels is the right thing to do. she's not sure what she would want to do yet, but isn't entirely opposed to that idea. fair enough. later on, kelly anne says that on sunday she will know whether or not her period is late. sunday comes along and she gets it. not pregnant. okay! MY question is: why...didn't she just go to the doctor or the pharmacy or planned parenthood or WHEREVER and get the morning after pill? if the footage shown is accurate, they know the INSTANT they're finished having sex that the condom is broken. it's broken. you know this! go get the pill. you even have five days to take it! if you don't know, this season's cast is living in sydney, australia. so i thought, well, maybe they, like, don't have the morning after pill in australia. or something. but i googled it. they totally do. and so...i just...WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GET IT. i don't understand. i have no real insight here but i felt incredibly compelled to write about this for some reason, ever since i saw the preview for this week's episode. she didn't say that she was against birth control, she just said that she wasn't currently on it. and obviously neither of them have a problem with sex before marriage. so i definitely didn't get the impression that either of them were against the morning after pill in any way. it wasn't even addressed. i just don't understand going through all of that grief if you can just go do that. alright, this has become complete and utter rambling now. i'm sorry.

CHRISTMAS IS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!!! i am psyched, AAAAAND i've actually got most of my christmas shopping done. i don't have much to do, really, but it's a nice relief that i've made so much progress. on friday i'm going to the zoo to see the christmas lights with my boyfriend and some friends. i can't wait. we will see reindeer and maybe we'll ice skate! i'll definitely drink hot chocolate. and i plan to ride the carousel. and we will sing christmas songs alllll the way there. i might wear a santa hat.

snowflakes

i think that it's important to remember that although we often find comfort in realizing that we are not alone and that other people do feel and go through many of the same things that we do, no one else on earth is EXACTLY like you. that may seem an obvious statement; an empowering one, or possibly a scary one. but the thing is, lately i've found myself comparing, well, myself, and my relationship, with my friends and their relationships and it's not done me good. i've stopped doing that. it does nothing but hurt me and make me feel isolated and sometimes inadequate. the truth is that there is no ONE "correct" path. and even though i've known what i ultimately want for the majority of my life, it eventually hit me that i had absolutely no real idea of how to get there. fortunately it's becoming more and more clear to me, and i think that's because i'm not thinking about things in regard to how they measure up to other people's standards or situations or to the way i'm viewed. i'm thinking about what works for me. i think i'm...hmm. i think i'm starting to...find myself.

it's so easy to get caught up in what you think you should be doing. it's so easy to get caught up in other people's expectations of you, and, in my case, the expectations i've always had for myself. i haven't lowered those, but growing up eventually forces you to realize that everything is not black and white. life is a gray, gray, gray area. there are lots of ways to reach your destination. every day is important, and every experience, and every person who comes into your life is going to shape you in one way or another. the key is allowing for that to happen. it doesn't mean that you have to give up your dreams or what you've always wanted for yourself, but priorities change and that is not always a bad thing. sometimes it helps to put things into perspective and allows you to map out that path in a way that makes sense for YOU. the moral of my story here? be strong and push forward, but let things and people influence you. you never know what you may learn about yourself.

i want to plug my mom's blog again right now since i have not been doing that at all lately! she's been writing some really good stuff so you should definitely check it out: http://youignorantsluts.blogspot.com

i'm sorry i haven't been writing much. i promise i'll be better. :) and tell arlan that we need to get that loveline thing up and running. youguys would watch that, right?

you've got yours & i've got mine

there's a series on the WE network called "the secret lives of women" and the particular episode that i'm watching right now is about swingers. when it started, i actually sort of understood what the people were saying. it's not something that i'm even slightly interested in, in any way, but i got where they were coming from. as the hour's gone on, however, i'm comprehending this less and less. most of the couples say that it's actually easier for them to stay together because there's no need to cheat, and it's all about openness and honesty and having fun and fulfilling...things. logically, i get that. one of the men on the show just said that one of the common misconceptions about swinging is that you are at a high risk of losing your partner, when in fact, statistically it is the opposite, and is so as well for everyone that they know. and i mean...okay. but i think you really have to be a certain type of person for it to work for you. we are sexual beings, yes. we are intelligent beings, yes. but we are also emotional beings. and i just think that whether or not this lifestyle works for you depends on your own personal balance of those three things. i, personally, am certainly emotional above all else. all of the people featured on this show appear to be far more sexual than ANYTHING else, which may seem an obvious thing to say, but it's not like i'm watching cinemax after dark or something. this is a documentary series on a basic cable chick channel. it's not sleazy or especially graphic, just very matter-of-fact. my point, i guess, is that i think that a great number of factors must be very specifically in place for this lifestyle to work. did youguys watch "loveline" when it aired on mtv? it started out fairly informative and interesting, despite adam corolla (i love adam corolla; just stay with me). but as it went on, it turned into this ridiculous circus and every other question was, literally, "my girlfriend and i are thinking about having a threesome. is that a good idea? should we do that?" and every. single. time, dr. drew would say, "no, it's a bad idea, it's VERY risky, you're probably going to ruin your relationship, DON'T DO IT." but they just kept on asking.

yeah, that's really all i have to say about that. i miss loveline.

speaking of loveline, before i got my webcam, arlan and i tossed around the idea of having a show similar to that, only like...neither of us is a doctor and it wouldn't become a crazy freak show. oh and also, it would be less about sex. you know, like a show where youguys could ask us relationship and love questions and we'd basically just give our advice and opinions, for whatever they're worth. i'm pretty sure we were thinking that arlan would be the adam corolla to my dr. drew, only, you know, funnier. me, not her. she's already funny. adam corolla's funny. you get it.

more soon.

and you thought jessica was random

sorry i haven't been writing much lately. hello, if you're still with me! :)

christmas is on my mind quite a bit. i think it's supposed to snow soon, which excites me greatly. i've also been watching many reruns of "dawson's creek" on the-n and i actually regret not having watched the last few seasons. they're not bad, and i now understand my friend rachel's love for jen. sucks they had to kill her. what else...

i broke the zipper on the inside of my newest purse. it's driving me crazy that i can't fix it, but it's not totally unfixable. (i have a certain boy in mind who may be able to work his magic.)

dude on dawson's creek just now said, "mr. newman was my father, and that bastard's long gone. you call me larry," which reminds me of one of my favorite "sarah silverman program" moments: "mrs. silverman was my mother. and she was a BITCH. i'm sarah." mind you, she was speaking to children.

my mind is all wrapped up in thoughts of christmas and (christmas) shopping and cell phones (mine's failing me and it's still under warranty so they're giving me a brand new one in a few days, hooray!) and my lovely boyfriend. other things too, but i don't want to jinx anything. basically what i'm telling you is that i am all over the place and i'm having trouble committing to a subject and writing about it. thus, pointless babbling.

alright, some craigslist personal ad fun...

TYPICAL , GUESS THERE ARE NO REAL WOMEN ON CL - 45

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TYPICAL ,,,I HAVE RESPONDED TO MANY POSTINGS ON THIS SITE AND LOW AND BEHOLD , IT'S NO BETTER THAN GOING INTO CHAT ROOMS AND FINDING OUT THAT THE WOMEN YOU TALK TO ARE FAKE ,,, OR BOTS ,,, OR WANTING YOU TO PAY TO SEE THERE CAMS ... OR SOME OVERSEAS SCAM WHERE THEY SAY THEY LOVE YOU , LIKE IN 3 DAYS , THEN THEY WANT YOU TO SEND THEM MONEY ,,, WHAT THE HELL IS IT GONNA TAKE , FOR A GUY , THAT WORKS HIS ASS OFF ,, HAS ALOT TO OFFER , AND JUST WANTS TO FIND A REAL WOMAN , THAT WANTS TO BE LOVED AND ADORED AND TREATED LIKE SHE DESERVES ....


maybe it'll take not screaming your way through a personal ad. maybe it'll take calming the fuck down and retiring the internet as your means of finding someone. not that i think that it's a bad way - i've met many friends AND my current boyfriend via this marvelous thing which we call the world wide web (though not specifically craigslist), but if you're this hostile about your past experiences...perhaps it's time to move on. just a thought.